Mother Fucking Couples

Todays post is brought to you by the world C – Couples and why today I think a lot of couples are C**ts. (Yes you)

5 Reasons.

1. Walking down the pavement, holding hands.

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I was walking down the road the other day, and there was a couple walking toward me, the pavement was only big enough for two people to walk along in tandem. I was NOT going to be moving, but were they? NO! I had the sense this was going to be a stand off, and I was damned if I was going to move, I was going to hold my single resolve. I kid you not, for the two seconds they had to break hands they gave me the dirtiest look. Oh I am SO FUCKING SORRY you had to separate from your beloved for a mili second so I can stay on the pavement and not walk in the road where a fucking lorry will run me over and I will DIE.

2. Writing tweets/status updates etc about your undying love.

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Do you have a phone each? do you see each other? Yes? Then why in gods name do I have see see ‘Oh hunny bunny i miss you so much’ ‘Oh me too, see you in an hour, love youuuu’ SICK. I just don’t understand why you have to declare your love, or tweet I love yous at each other. Fucking text it, or tell them. I don’t care, nor do I want to see it.   Yes if there was a shut the fuck up button on facebook I would use it.

3. Posting pictures like this.

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To be honest I am judging you for even THINKING about taking a photo like this, least of all actually doing it. Then I cannot believe you post it on the internet for all to see! Are you not embarrassed? like really? plus who do you actually think wants to see this other than you? NO ONE.

4. Couples at the cinema

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I will happily go to the cinema on my own, no issue. But when it is busy, or even when it isn’t and I have to sit near, or in the same vicinity of a ‘happy couple’ I honestly want to throw things (and not popcorn) Why do you have to kiss all the way through? why does the girl act like she is terrified? I SMELL BULLSHIT, why do you feed each other popcorn? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

5. Last but not least, the ‘we’

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Why do some people when they become a couple suddenly go from an I to a we? Oh sorry we cannot make it, we love Bob Dylan, We wish you a merry christmas, we love that film. NO YOU ARE NOT CONJOINED TWINS, YOU DO NOT SHARE A BRAIN, for fucks sake. I have a dog and cat, shall I start talking as we because of them? No because I am person, a person who has their OWN mind.

Eternally Single,

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2 comments
  1. amymegan said:

    Haha. I agree wholeheartedly with all of these. I am guilty of the ‘we’ thing although it’s only ever to shift some of the blame. For example “I’m sorry we didn’t …” When it was my responsibility. The Twitter / FB thing is my most hated though, I will never understand why people do that. Another is when people state in their Twitter bio, who their boyfriend is … What’s that all about? Worse still, when they hash tag their name, I’ve honestly seen that happen … Your boyfriend isn’t going to become a trending topic FUCK OFF.

    • haha oh god yes when they put it in the twitter bio, WHY?! doesn’t facebook have ‘us’ pages now also? I would just kill myself if my boyfriend did one of those.

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