Fuckerdoodle Doo the world is only bloody ending.


So apparently the world is going to end the day after tomorrow (disaster movie inserted! Woo hoo) For those saying it isn’t I say Didn’t they see 2012? Did people doubt director Roland Emmerich’s ability to predict a disaster? Plus they ain’t gonna be letting me on that Ark, plus people would piss me off in about an afternoon.

Anyway here are are a few things I am going to do in the run up until whatever is going to end the world!


Get my hair done.

There is no point going to the next world the day after tomorrow with a bad hair colour and cut – so like me get to it ladies and gents!


Feed the cat and dogs feed a shit load of valium. (not gonna kill ’em)

While I’m tearing down the street screaming as the world implodes under my feet, drunk off my tits the last thing I want to worry about is where Jones, Moo and Lucy are They are jumpy enough at Guy Fawkes, let alone the apocalypse.


Buy a lot of alcohol.

It would be just my luck that the only part of the world to survive the end would be my street, and I would be left without a refreshing cold beverage as I attempted to re- invent the Earth. BE PREPARED.


Give my neighbours a hug on Thursday night and tell them that I appreciate what they have done for me.

Especially Bob from next door who, despite being on the wrong side of 80, still butchers trees with his chainsaw for me and gives me lots of advice on how the world was better before the ‘immigrants’ came.


Wear those sexy lace knickers I brought for Ryan Gosling and I.

If I’m going to be pulverised into zillions of pieces, I really should be wearing decent underwear, especially if I bump into Gosling.


Listen to the Apocoplaylist:

  • It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by REM
  • Till the World Ends by Britney Spears
  • It’s Not the End of the World, But I Can See It From Here by the Lostprophets
  • Apocalypse by Holyhell
  • The End of the World by Skeeter Davis
  • It’s All Over Now by the Rolling Stones
  • The End is the Beginning is the End by Smashing Pumpkins
  • Fire Water Burn by the Bloodhound Gang
  • Eve of Destruction by Barry McGuire
  • Survivor by Destiny’s Child


Watch every episode ever made of Murder, She Wrote and try to understand why Death Stalks Jessica Fletcher.


Find out how it ends

I’m not sure I would be comfortable dying not knowing how Lost ended, or what happened in the ninth season of Grey’s Anatomy. We can’t do much about ongoing stuff… maybe if we wrote a pleading letter to George R.R. Martin (author of A Song of Ice and Fire series of books, recently adapted in to the legendary Game of Thrones TV series on HBO) he’d let us know how it ends…? Gossip girl OBVIOUSLY was the major one I needed to know though. Oh Dan.


See you on the flip side motherfuckers!



  1. Suckineggs said:

    Please keep writing I cried laughing

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