That was your drink talking? Well, right now, MY drink is talking. And it’s saying, “Drink me, I make life more fun. Anyone from a high school senior to a tramp under a bridge knows that!”



Last night I realised pretty much any horror movie I have watched recently goes like this.

  • white family moves into house
  • the house got some shit in it
  • family refuses to acknowledge that they got some shit in they house
  • turns out that shit is some ultrashit

I hate it when I got so drunk for 4 days straight I come out of my drunken fog to find out everything important seems to have happened whilst I was fucked.


What do you mean they hooked up?


What do you mean you have a boyfriend?

ImageWhat do you mean someone shot Archduke Ferdinand?



It’s a bank holiday here in the UK, now I awoke to having to babysit my god daughter, still a bit drunk, and watching Hannah Montana. It occurred to me whilst watching the show (and indulging in my post event bottle of wine) that there really are Hannah Montana lyrics for every event in life! Here are just a FEW prime examples.

Hannah Montana
Best Of Both Worlds


For when you are living two separate lives one as a high class hooker, hooked on cocaine, and one as a stay at home mum.

Mix it all together
And you know that it’s the best of both
You know the best of both worlds

Hannah Montana
HoeDown ThrowDown lyrics

ImagePretty self explanatory, when you see a hoe you hate, you throw them.

Throw It All Together, That’s How We Roll
Do The Hoedown (Throw down)

Hannah Montana
The Bone Dance lyrics


When you hook up with a guy, he gets hard, a boner etc, you gotta know how to work it (for how not to work it see Miley’s VMA13 performance)

We’re doing the bone dance
You study the answers
Again and again til I get it right

Hannah Montana
This Boy, That Girl lyrics


For when you have just come out of rehab and have started dating again.

Yeah I’m clean and it’s really nice to meet ya
1, 2, 3 could you smile for a picture

Hannah Montana
True Friend lyrics


For when you are going to go home with some really ugly/drunk/weird guy because you are wasted beyond control.

A true friend
You’re here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night

Told you.


Hey world, well what’s going down? Well here is what I have learnt today.


Unless you were one of the 361481 babies born today you will know who Justin Bieber is. Or as I like to call him Jbiebz. Well he is still being a fucking tool.


Apparently a member of one direction got engaged. Twitter is going MENTAL, the fans are doing the above, and I FUCKING LOVE IT.


Soup is SOUPER

In other news, I realised drinking wine out of a diet coke can makes you look less of a drunk, and more of an anorexic, and I also renamed my mother to ‘birth giver’ in my phone.


This afternoon turned into one of those afternoons that involved wine, tacos and some more wine. Then in my euphoric wine state I remembered this:

‘Next time you’re washing your hands next to somebody cup your hands under the tap until the water overflows then look at them dramatically and say ‘this water is getting out of hand’. It’s a guaranteed way to make friends i have never tried it but it is guaranteed.’


I did not make friends, I got asked to leave as was ‘freaking out customers’

I did test this theory around 15 times? and I think my crazy eyes came out at around  number 8?

Lesson Learned.