Last night I watched titanic 3d at the cinema. (special screening for drunken idiots like myself who missed it the first time around)

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It got me thinking. I cannot wait for Titanic 4D. Where the cinema actually floods and people start drowning,
and they turn the heating off, and you REALLY feel part if the movie.

Food for thought. (Or Gin in my case)

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Jurassic Park will always be my favourite film. But I do find it slightly odd that in the film
everyone seems to get rather upset that the the dinosaurs start attacking people.
I mean I don’t mean to be funny, but you went to Island full of dinosaurs, and that is pretty
much standard dinosaur behaviour.

Food for thought.

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It occurred to me the other day I haven’t been on a date in timmmeeee.

I decided to think about my perfect date. I think this it.

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I really wanna go on a cute date where we go to an aquarium and 
get ice cream and hold hands and just enjoy each other’s company 
and and most importantly look at fish because they’re cool as fuck.

I hate it when I got so drunk for 4 days straight I come out of my drunken fog to find out everything important seems to have happened whilst I was fucked.

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What do you mean they hooked up?

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What do you mean you have a boyfriend?

ImageWhat do you mean someone shot Archduke Ferdinand?

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It’s a bank holiday here in the UK, now I awoke to having to babysit my god daughter, still a bit drunk, and watching Hannah Montana. It occurred to me whilst watching the show (and indulging in my post event bottle of wine) that there really are Hannah Montana lyrics for every event in life! Here are just a FEW prime examples.

Hannah Montana
Best Of Both Worlds

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For when you are living two separate lives one as a high class hooker, hooked on cocaine, and one as a stay at home mum.

Mix it all together
And you know that it’s the best of both
You know the best of both worlds

Hannah Montana
HoeDown ThrowDown lyrics

ImagePretty self explanatory, when you see a hoe you hate, you throw them.

Throw It All Together, That’s How We Roll
Do The Hoedown (Throw down)

Hannah Montana
The Bone Dance lyrics

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When you hook up with a guy, he gets hard, a boner etc, you gotta know how to work it (for how not to work it see Miley’s VMA13 performance)

We’re doing the bone dance
You study the answers
Again and again til I get it right

Hannah Montana
This Boy, That Girl lyrics

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For when you have just come out of rehab and have started dating again.

Yeah I’m clean and it’s really nice to meet ya
1, 2, 3 could you smile for a picture

Hannah Montana
True Friend lyrics

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For when you are going to go home with some really ugly/drunk/weird guy because you are wasted beyond control.

A true friend
You’re here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night

Told you.

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