my ex is still logged into twitter on my phone
I could be cliché and tweet ‘I’m a fucking twat lol’
no
Instead
every few days I will tweet something he would totally say
but he will never remember tweeting it
slowly the slightly out of place tweets will drive him insane
victory
I just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”
but I hit send when all it said was:
Hi Jeffrey,
I am afraid
Pink is the countries in which Britain has invaded, I mean seriously Britain. (I am British)
My theory is, all right we were a young country. Everyone has trouble growing up, everyone has rebellious stages, some countries skateboarded and didn’t listen to their mothers; and we just happened to go for world domination. Everyone’s different.
I repeat, pink is countries Britain has invaded
–>
Sometimes I think about my funeral, and I think to myself did I lead a respectful life? No. So why would I have a respectful funeral. So when I die, my ashes are going to be mixed with glitter, and then they are going to be exploded out of my coffin like a firework display. Whilst I and the glitter rain down on my guests, THX 4 THE MMRS by Fall out Boy shall play loudly.
Date a girl who dates you. Date a girl who dates.
Date a girl who goes on dates
Eat dates.
Eat figs.
Date figs, Fig Dates
Date a girl who farms dates.
Date a girl who feeds you dates.
Date a date.
That was your drink talking? Well, right now, MY drink is talking. And it’s saying, “Drink me, I make life more fun. Anyone from a high school senior to a tramp under a bridge knows that!”
Last night I realised pretty much any horror movie I have watched recently goes like this.
