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my ex is still logged into twitter on my phone
I could be cliché and tweet ‘I’m a fucking twat lol’

no

Instead

every few days I will tweet something he would totally say

but he will never remember tweeting it

slowly the slightly out of place tweets will drive him insane

victory

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I just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”

but I hit send when all it said was:

Hi Jeffrey,
I am afraid

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Pink is the countries in which Britain has invaded, I mean seriously Britain. (I am British)

My theory is, all right we were a young country. Everyone has trouble growing up, everyone has rebellious stages, some countries skateboarded and didn’t listen to their mothers; and we just happened to go for world domination. Everyone’s different.

I repeat, pink is countries Britain has invaded
–>

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Sometimes I think about my funeral, and I think to myself did I lead a respectful life? No. So why would I have a respectful funeral.  So when I die, my ashes are going to be mixed with glitter, and then they are going to be exploded out of my coffin like a firework display. Whilst I and the glitter rain down on my guests, THX 4 THE MMRS by Fall out Boy shall play loudly.

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